2nd baby at 39: WTF or FTW?

I don’t know how I got here – I mean, I DO, I drove here….come on, I am not that far gone.

I mean HERE – in this year, at this age, with a 14-month-old, and contemplating a second one that will be born when I am all the way down the slope to 40. I have to remind myself of my age sometimes; I certainly don’t FEEL like I am on the brink of 40. At least, not the way I thought it should feel – toothless, contrary, out of touch with today’s youth (ok, that part might be happening – what is WITH the ‘YOLO’ and duckface??). I still FEEL like one of those youths – minus the duckface – which is why I keep thinking about baby #2.

Tick, tock, bioclock; but It’s not a desperation to make babies while I still can. It’s because I don’t want my daughter to be alone when we go, it’s because I want another baby, it’s because Hubs wants one, it’s because we both wanted a few )it’s not from lack of want or trying that it took so long), it’s because we still feel invincible, even after all we have been through.

I don’t think that feeling ever goes away. My father, at 67, just had his hip replaced 5 weeks ago. My mother finally threw up her hands and let him figure out for himself that he could not move around as much or as quickly as he used to. And I find myself reminding him of that too – which, Dad, I am officially going to stop doing, and with apologies!

So it doesn’t occur to me, either, that there are things that I shouldn’t be doing at my age, because as far as I am concerned I haven’t got there yet. Until, of course, I calculate my daughter’s age in ten years AND my age in ten years. Which sucks on the face of it, but consider that she will be finishing post-secondary studies right around my retirement age…which means we better hurry up, or that nest will not be as empty as I am sure we’ll want it, by then.

So. WTF or FTW?? I’ll let you know in 9-10 months.

Hopefully…maybe.

The Benefits of Community

I took some risks this week, and boy are they paying off.

Not only have I been fired up to get writing and get my blog back on track, but in reaching out on social media I have met so many amazing men and women who are putting their lives out there, supporting each other and sharing stories; I am so angry with myself for not doing it sooner!

It got me thinking about the importance of community. Whether it’s online or the people next door and across the street (I am so lucky to now have both!), sharing experiences and stories can foster and increase confidence in people who normally are not, courage in the most shy, and togetherness in those who may have felt alone. It’s a place to go for the support and encouragement you need, and also to get your arse kicked into gear if you need it.

I spent a lot of time on the outside, looking in; I don’t have ads or sponsors, so I felt like perhaps I was just pretending at being a writer, that I couldn’t possibly have anything that these pros I followed would want to read. I didn’t engage because I didn’t feel worthy.

Reaching out to any community means raising your hand and letting people know you’re there. Unfortunately, the world will not come looking for us; ok, maybe it will, someday, but in order for that to happen we have to get out there, and let people see us. It’s inevitable that we will come across people who don’t want us to be a part of their community, and that’s ok too. It’s clearly not the right place to be then! Reach out, don’t hide yourself, and you will find it.

Now, don’t send your neighbours my way when you start knocking on their doors to show them your blog…ok, send them – I’ll show them mine too!

I’m Under Construction!

Undergoing renovation? Surviving change? Exercising my right to act irrationally??

Hey all!! I appreciate the continued support as I try to find some new sea legs here; as you can see, I am making some pretty drastic changes, and I love you for putting up with a new site every time you visit! I am trying to maintain sanity and logic here, so if you can’t find something you know you saw before, please let me know!!

Blogs posts are found in the most obvious place, and I have added an articles page under which I hope to actually post things of parenting interest, instead of my boring life ;)

Check back often, and please let me know what you think!!

J

Moms of multiples WIN

I have a friend who has twin girls, 19 months old. She also happens to be my daycare provider, and for a little boy as well. She is awesome with my daughter, and I am so lucky to have her, as a friend and a daycare provider.

I didn’t realize HOW lucky until my girl and I met her and her bugs at Walmart this afternoon.

Now, her girls are really sweet, and generally really good….but we all know how kids can be when they just wantoutofthestrollernowpleaseNOWNOW!!

And even then, they were still GOOD, just fussy and a little vocal about it, like any kid would be. My friend takes it all in stride, and I am in awe of that. I have had moments with my own generally really good girl, and I have wanted to lock myself in the bathroom…..Scratch that, I *have* locked myself in the bathroom.

So, I can imagine how it would be if the girls were ACTUALLY wreaking havoc in Walmart….I don’t know how she keeps it together. I will never again complain about the 8millionthings I have to bring everywhere, because moms of multiples have 16/32/64millionthings more than me (mea culpa: I am still totally going to complain).

Moms of multiples kick my ass, in uncountable ways. I always knew it, of course, but today I KNEW it.

You go on kicking our singleton asses, moms of multiples. And yes, I will totally lend a hand.

It IS a Beautiful Day

It’s a beautiful day out today. My house is clean, I had time for a hot shower and coffee, my 11.5 month old daughter sleeping peacefully during her first nap.

I sit down to read the paper online for a moment, and a story about a little girl who passed away in 2012 on Christmas day hits me like a ton of bricks and the tears won’t stop.

I cry for her, who’s little life was so needlessly cut short; for her parents who have the courage to face her passing every day and not hide from it (too much); I cry for their second little girl who will never know her big sister.

My tears are for us, too, for most of the same reasons. For my partner and I, who , though we face the days with my stepson in our hearts always, we hide from it too much (that is changing now that our daughter is here; we tell her about him all the time); for my stepson, who will never delight in the little sister he always wanted (ok, he wanted a brother, but he would have adored her anyway!); and lastly for my daughter, who will never know her big brother.

If it’s possible, there are also some tears of joy in there….joy brought back into our lives in the form of a little mop-headed, blue-eyed girl who’s laugh casts light and happiness back into our hearts again. She resembles her brother in so many was, physically and in her spirit, that it is easier for us to remember him with…..I don’t know what to call it, but it is no longer just a terrible sadness. The sadness will always be there, but now it has a gentle layer of fond memories laid over it, and a gratefulness for our second chance at parenthood.

Sometimes I feel like I am always writing sad things here. I promise to write more happy things too, so you don’t start to worry about this mommy’s drinking ;)

Have a great day everyone….and remember to count the amazing things in your life. I know that’s what our journey is about, anyway. :)

vodka, among other things.

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