I don’t know how I got here – I mean, I DO, I drove here….come on, I am not that far gone.
I mean HERE – in this year, at this age, with a 14-month-old, and contemplating a second one that will be born when I am all the way down the slope to 40. I have to remind myself of my age sometimes; I certainly don’t FEEL like I am on the brink of 40. At least, not the way I thought it should feel – toothless, contrary, out of touch with today’s youth (ok, that part might be happening – what is WITH the ‘YOLO’ and duckface??). I still FEEL like one of those youths – minus the duckface – which is why I keep thinking about baby #2.
Tick, tock, bioclock; but It’s not a desperation to make babies while I still can. It’s because I don’t want my daughter to be alone when we go, it’s because I want another baby, it’s because Hubs wants one, it’s because we both wanted a few )it’s not from lack of want or trying that it took so long), it’s because we still feel invincible, even after all we have been through.
I don’t think that feeling ever goes away. My father, at 67, just had his hip replaced 5 weeks ago. My mother finally threw up her hands and let him figure out for himself that he could not move around as much or as quickly as he used to. And I find myself reminding him of that too – which, Dad, I am officially going to stop doing, and with apologies!
So it doesn’t occur to me, either, that there are things that I shouldn’t be doing at my age, because as far as I am concerned I haven’t got there yet. Until, of course, I calculate my daughter’s age in ten years AND my age in ten years. Which sucks on the face of it, but consider that she will be finishing post-secondary studies right around my retirement age…which means we better hurry up, or that nest will not be as empty as I am sure we’ll want it, by then.
So. WTF or FTW?? I’ll let you know in 9-10 months.