Living With Loss

It IS a Beautiful Day

It’s a beautiful day out today. My house is clean, I had time for a hot shower and coffee, my 11.5 month old daughter sleeping peacefully during her first nap.

I sit down to read the paper online for a moment, and a story about a little girl who passed away in 2012 on Christmas day hits me like a ton of bricks and the tears won’t stop.

I cry for her, who’s little life was so needlessly cut short; for her parents who have the courage to face her passing every day and not hide from it (too much); I cry for their second little girl who will never know her big sister.

My tears are for us, too, for most of the same reasons. For my partner and I, who , though we face the days with my stepson in our hearts always, we hide from it too much (that is changing now that our daughter is here; we tell her about him all the time); for my stepson, who will never delight in the little sister he always wanted (ok, he wanted a brother, but he would have adored her anyway!); and lastly for my daughter, who will never know her big brother.

If it’s possible, there are also some tears of joy in there….joy brought back into our lives in the form of a little mop-headed, blue-eyed girl who’s laugh casts light and happiness back into our hearts again. She resembles her brother in so many was, physically and in her spirit, that it is easier for us to remember him with…..I don’t know what to call it, but it is no longer just a terrible sadness. The sadness will always be there, but now it has a gentle layer of fond memories laid over it, and a gratefulness for our second chance at parenthood.

Sometimes I feel like I am always writing sad things here. I promise to write more happy things too, so you don’t start to worry about this mommy’s drinking 😉

Have a great day everyone….and remember to count the amazing things in your life. I know that’s what our journey is about, anyway. 🙂

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